Musings on Stubbornness
Some days I would be better off being deaf, blind, and mute than none of those things. Mostly because I already act like I am...to block out God.
I would be better off deaf than only a selective hearer. I hear, but do not listen unless what He says is what I want to hear. I am too stubborn to absorb his truth and welcome it into my life.
I would be better off being blind than only a shallow seer. The things I see are only at the surface. I don't see the big picture--His majesty, His goodness. I see only as far as I choose to. And most often, that is no farther than the end of my own nose.
I would be better off mute than only a mutterer. When I speak loud, it is for no eternal purpose. It is to be angry or frustrated with my life, a life that millions would give everything for. It is to make myself appear larger and stronger than I really am. But when it comes to things that matter forever--things like the gospel and grace--I am quiet. Quiet enough to know that my life which should shine like the moon in the night sky is little more than a flickering miniature candle.
I often wonder at the mercy of God to use such a stubborn vessel to carry His message. So many days I bury it so deep within me that I can hardly find it. When I go to speak words of truth, I find that my life and my heart will not adequately back them up. When I look for my next step, I look in the mirror instead of the Word. When I listen for an answer, there are so many inner voices telling me what I want to hear that I am incapable of hearing His. Still and small, somewhere in the recesses of my soul longing to be heeded.
My prayer is that my ears, my eyes, my mouth, and my heart would be open. Open to Him.
I would be better off being blind than only a shallow seer. The things I see are only at the surface. I don't see the big picture--His majesty, His goodness. I see only as far as I choose to. And most often, that is no farther than the end of my own nose.
I would be better off mute than only a mutterer. When I speak loud, it is for no eternal purpose. It is to be angry or frustrated with my life, a life that millions would give everything for. It is to make myself appear larger and stronger than I really am. But when it comes to things that matter forever--things like the gospel and grace--I am quiet. Quiet enough to know that my life which should shine like the moon in the night sky is little more than a flickering miniature candle.
I often wonder at the mercy of God to use such a stubborn vessel to carry His message. So many days I bury it so deep within me that I can hardly find it. When I go to speak words of truth, I find that my life and my heart will not adequately back them up. When I look for my next step, I look in the mirror instead of the Word. When I listen for an answer, there are so many inner voices telling me what I want to hear that I am incapable of hearing His. Still and small, somewhere in the recesses of my soul longing to be heeded.
My prayer is that my ears, my eyes, my mouth, and my heart would be open. Open to Him.
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