On What Matters, What Doesn't Matter, and What is of Infinite Importance (cont'd)

Musing on God's Values--Part 2

Today, I will continue to go through the values chart I was working off of 2 days ago. We are on the fourth grouping--actions, appearance, and attitude--and I pray we will get to the end today as well. For now, let's recap all 7 combinations and remind ourselves of what we learned so far. First, God wants our obedience out of knowledge of His infallible and just character. Second, real love is not shown in words, but rather revealed in kindness and proven through sacrifice. Third, formal membership means nothing without meaningful committed friendships and fellowship with the family of God.

Matters                         Doesn't Matter                       Matters Infinitely

1.Obedience               Routine rule-following           Understanding why one obeys
2.Love in kindness      Love in hollow words            Love in sacrifice
3.Friendship                Membership                         Fellowship
4.Actions                    Appearance (to an extent)     Attitude
5.Stability                   Seniority--or superiority         Service
6.Justice                     Pleading not guilty                  Mercy and grace
7.Purity                      Pride                                     Passion for holiness

4.
4. So here I go. I am convinced that most Christians who read this chart at first momentarily shuddered at my statement that appearance doesn't matter. Of course, you may say, it's not the most important thing, but it does mean something. I mean, after all, we need to make ourselves presentable testimonies for God. Our bodies are not our own and we must treat them with honor as God's temple. Haven't you ever heard of modesty or cleanliness!? Let's be clear with each other. My reply to that would be a gracious yes. But, I heartily disagree with the fact that our physical appearance in itself has any bearing on our relationship with the Lord or our fellowship with our brothers and sisters.

Let me give an example. There is a young man who is recently married, working two jobs to make ends meet, and continuously attending church with his wife to grow in his relationship with the Lord. His wife is pleased with the scruff and facial hair on his face and has asked him to keep it there so she feels it when she kisses him. They are cutting costs by mending the clothes they have had since high school, rather than buying new things with the paychecks they are saving to buy their first home. Despite the tight financial situation, there is always enough to tithe and participate in God's work. She grew up in a home where both her mother and all of her sisters had their ears pierced at young ages and wore jewelry often as part of their daily beauty routines. She was also taught to keep her hair long because the Lord clearly thought it was beautiful that way and her husband probably would too. It showed her beauty and it showed that God had provided her with a head-covering that showed His ultimate glory. She was more than happy to keep her hair long and flowing (though neatly trimmed) for others, most importantly her Creator. So..I now have two simple questions: Does his appearance matter to God? Does her appearance matter to God? If you say yes and think you are disproving me, think again. Their appearance only matters because of their ATTITUDE. And in this case, their attitudes are merely out of love for each other, their families, and the Lord. Let's be careful NOT to confuse the two.

God can have a thriving relationship with a woman who wears a veil, a hat, knee-length hair, shoulder-length hair, bob-style hair, necklaces, no necklaces, jewelry, no jewelry, makeup, no makeup, pants, skirts, knee-highs, boots, flip-flops, or kimonos. He doesn't care if she's wearing an evening gown or a pair of sweats. He wants her HEART. He wants her MIND. He wants what's INSIDE of her. And the same goes for men. God knows the motivations of our hearts and will judge them righteously. They are not for others to assume or ever know.

Granted, women (or men, for that matter) who flaunt their bodies for others who are not their spouses to lust after are revealing an attitude that disregards the value of purity. A man who is consistently unwashed and unshaven (though he has the means to be) is pretty blatantly disregarding the comfort of those around him and the Biblical principle of cleanliness, likely through an attitude of laziness which God does not condone. However, in many cases, appearances designed to capture the lustful or jealous attentions of others are recognized not by the clothing itself, but by the visible attitude of the wearer. And if we on occasion do feel the urging of the Spirit to address a physical appearance concern with another, it should always be approached from the angle of Scriptural principle, godly attitude, and subjection to the conviction of the Spirit not the laws of men.What I am saying is this: WE ARE NOT THE FASHION POLICE. FASHION "TEACHING" IS NOT IN GOD'S WORD FOR GOOD REASON! Any mention of dress in the Bible, aside from the clothing in the old Jewish law as symbolism, is meant to discount its importance entirely in order to stress the value of something vastly different--attitude. Spirit, conviction, demeanor. It's about the inside. Check out what these Scriptures have to say and see for yourself.

1 Samuel 16:7
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

Romans 2:27-29
And he who is physically uncircumcised, if he keeps the Law, will he not judge you who though having the letter of the Law and circumcision are a transgressor of the Law? For he is not a Jew who is one outwardly, nor is circumcision that which is outward in the flesh. But he is a Jew who is one inwardly; and circumcision is that which is of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the letter; and his praise is not from men, but from God.

Matthew 23:27-28
“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness. So you, too, outwardly appear righteous to men, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.

Isaiah 53:2
For He grew up before Him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of parched ground; He has no stately form or majesty that we should look upon Him, nor appearance that we should be attracted to Him.
John 7:24

"Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.”
2 Corinthians 5:12
We are not again commending ourselves to you but are giving you an occasion to be proud of us, so that you will have an answer for those who take pride in appearance and not in heart.


1 Peter 3:3-5
Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
1 Timothy 2:9-10
Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness. 

***(Notice what is being said here; the focus is on a comparison. Gentle spirit> fancy appearance. Good works> fancy appearance. Is he saying "no gold, no expensive clothes, pearls are evil as are braids and dresses"..? Clearly not. He is saying that what we think matters doesn't. Our actions and good works are what matter because they ultimately reflect an attitude of service, kindness, and Christ-like character).***
James 2: 1-10
My brethren, do not hold your faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ with an attitude of personal favoritism. For if a man comes into your assembly with a gold ring and dressed in fine clothes, and there also comes in a poor man in dirty clothes, and you pay special attention to the one who is wearing the fine clothes, and say, “You sit here in a good place,” and you say to the poor man, “You stand over there, or sit down by my footstool,” have you not made distinctions among yourselves, and become judges with evil motives? Listen, my beloved brethren: did not God choose the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him? But you have dishonored the poor man. Is it not the rich who oppress you and personally drag you into court? Do they not blaspheme the fair name by which you have been called? If, however, you are fulfilling the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well. But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors. For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles in one point, he has become guilty of all. 

Look at that last charge. It is solemn. Not only is judging based on only appearance harmful, God calls it sin. It is clear that God has, in the most reverent sense, far better things to do with His time than to pose as our stylist. If we have a clear conscience about our appearance, we should be able to be safe in the fact that God will judge and His children won't.

ALL of that being said at last, it is important to speak of what DOES matter and that is our actions and our attitude. Are our works proving our faith in Christ? Is our attitude one of reverence and submission, care and compassion? For men, is your attitude one of servant leadership and love, devotion and discipline? Our attitudes inform our actions, our hearts and minds are responsible for telling our bodies what to do. God cares very much that these are aligned with His Word and His will.
Matthew 5:16
Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.

Ephesians 2:10
For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.

Hebrews 4:12
For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

Romans 12:1-2
Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

5.
5. Likely the clearest way to illustrate God's view of stability, superiority, and service is to go over the qualifications of deacons and elders in the Scriptures. When God is looking for someone to lead His people, He does not want a man who will abuse His power or use it inconsistently. See the following two passages (emphasis once again mine): 

1 Peter 5:1-5
Therefore, I exhort the elders among you, as your fellow elder and witness of the sufferings of Christ, and a partaker also of the glory that is to be revealed, shepherd the flock of God among you, exercising oversight not under compulsion, but voluntarily, according to the will of God; and not for sordid gain, but with eagerness; nor yet as lording it over those allotted to your charge, but proving to be examples to the flock. And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory. You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.
1 Timothy 3:1-7
It is a trustworthy statement: if any man aspires to the office of overseer, it is a fine work he desires to do. An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not addicted to wine or pugnacious, but gentle, peaceable, free from the love of money. He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?), and not a new convert, so that he will not become conceited and fall into the condemnation incurred by the devil. And he must have a good reputation with those outside the church, so that he will not fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.

There is a lot in these verses but I just want to point out a few key things.

First of all, the idea of superiority or seniority is of absolutely no use to God when he looks for a leader. "God is opposed to the proud", an elder is "not to lord it over those allotted to his charge", deacons are specifically not to be "new converts, that they will not become conceited". Superiority is pride in the worst sense because it implies not only an overemphasis on oneself, but a marked condescension toward others.

Secondly, it is vital to notice the stability God requires of leaders (and thus of all who desire to show spiritual leadership). They are to be "temperate, prudent, not addicted to wine, peaceable", they are to be fathers who control their families and keep them from unruliness, and they are to be examples to those under their authority. Overall stability is a key concern. There is an absence of excessive anger, drink, or talk. He cannot be controlled by anything other than godly character. As Christians, nothing should control us other than the Holy Spirit.

Lastly, it is a spirit of service which should drive us, not a need for compensation. We should be "free from the love of money" and serve "not for sordid gain". In order to lead by example, we must be servants not tyrants. The world will see our conduct and may through such conduct be led to Christ. Christ is OUR example, the Chief Shepherd Peter mentions. Peter was a product of His gracious shepherding and learned from the perfect servant leader.

Here are several more passages to illustrate God's values in this area.

John 12:25-27
He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal. If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also; if anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him.

1 Corinthians 4:1
Let a man regard us in this manner, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God.

Colossians 2:5
For even though I am absent in body, nevertheless I am with you in spirit, rejoicing to see your good discipline and the stability of your faith in Christ.

1 Corinthians 4:6-8
Now these things, brethren, I have figuratively applied to myself and Apollos for your sakes, so that in us you may learn not to exceed what is written, so that no one of you will become arrogant in behalf of one against the other. For who regards you as superior? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it?

Mark 10:42-44
Calling them to Himself, Jesus said to them, “You know that those who are recognized as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them; and their great men exercise authority over them. But it is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant; and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be slave of all.

6.
6. One of my favorite images in all of the Bible is the image of a courtroom. The fact that Christ has paid my pardon, that the Righteous Judge is able to let me go free on the basis of His blood, is still too much to comprehend. The verdict over my head is "Not Guilty" in prominent letters. However, there are a few things I'd like to go over about the courtroom scene...in regards to salvation and also in regard to further sanctification.

Our handy chart says three things: 1) Justice matters to God, 2) Pleading not guilty [on our own merit] doesn't matter to God, and 3) Mercy matters infinitely to God.

                  First, I see in the Bible that God is undeniably always a just God. He also requires us to be just.

Psalm 89:14
Righteousness and justice are the foundation of Your throne; Lovingkindness and truth go before You.

Isaiah 61:8
For I, the Lord, love justice, I hate robbery in the burnt offering; and I will faithfully give them their recompense and make an everlasting covenant with them.

Psalm 106:3
How blessed are those who keep justice, Who practice righteousness at all times!

Micah 6:8
He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

                    Second, I see that God doesn't care if we try to say we are righteous without Him. He knows we are not. What use is it to come before an Omniscient judge and say we haven't committed a crime? He already knows we have.

Numbers 32:23
But if you will not do so, behold, you have sinned against the Lord, and be sure your sin will find you out.

Romans 3:23
for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

1 John 1:9-10
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar and His word is not in us.

                  Third, mercy and grace triumph over justice. They are of ultimate importance to God because they are a foundation of His character and the basis for our salvation.

Jeremiah 31:20
“Is Ephraim My dear son? Is he a delightful child? Indeed, as often as I have spoken against him, I certainly still remember him; Therefore My heart yearns for him; I will surely have mercy on him,” declares the Lord.

Matthew 5:6-7
“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.

Matthew 18:32-34
Then summoning him, his lord said to him, ‘You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?’ And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him.

It is clear what God expects. I will not overstate what is stated hundreds of times in His letter to us. But let me make one final comment on this. Even after we are saved, God does not want to hear us plead not guilty before Him on our own merit. We must confess our guilt, our sin, our crime, but in doing so bring before His throne the blood of Jesus Christ. Just think of it! At the cross, 3 things were simultaneously true that seem impossible; We were utterly sinful, with GUILTY plastered across our foreheads. God was utterly just, laying our sins upon Christ as He suffered for us. And God was utterly merciful, casting our sins far from us, taking away our rightful punishment, and giving us the gift of salvation which we could never deserve.

7. 
7. This topic is a difficult one to say the least. Nobody wants to discuss purity because it so clearly shows us all for what we are--broken, weak, sinful humans. There is not one of us who has never been tempted by wrong, by pleasure, by excess. We foolishly still try those "broken cisterns"  hoping they will somehow mend although they never do. But in this area, as in all the others, I believe there is confusion in the church. There is a silence that breeds shame, a moral decline that damages our testimony, and a lack of encouraging accountability so necessary between brother and brother, sister and sister.

However, before I get too bogged down in human views on this subject, I need to explain what God says about it. In short, God says purity is extremely important. He hates when we use our "technical" purity as justification for pride and judgmental behavior. And ultimately, God expresses that our passion for holiness like His is what will grow in our struggles for purity, both the physical/sexual and the completely inward kind.

Why are we silent? Because it hurts to be exposed, to reveal our guilt and our weakness, to share struggles with others we somehow believe ourselves to be above, to acknowledge a problem that is so widespread yet so torturous to begin fixing. Why are our morals declining? Because as a body we have started to lose the reverence for God that makes impurity much easier to withstand, to back down when we should be standing up, to be quiet about the truth because it is not palatable to the world, the youth, or sometimes even the church at large. Why are we not accountable to each other? Because we lack the foundation of trust and spiritual companionship necessary for firm accountability to happen. We should be challenged and uplifted at the same time in a good accountability relationship. This can be a difficult dynamic to create when there is not a mature and spiritually grounded friendship already in place.

So what does God have to say about purity in itself? Let's look to His word.
1 Timothy 4:12

Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe.
Psalm 24:3-5
Who may ascend into the hill of the Lord?
And who may stand in His holy place?
He who has clean hands and a pure heart,
Who has not lifted up his soul to falsehood

And has not sworn deceitfully.

2 Corinthians 11:2-3
For I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy; for I betrothed you to one husband, so that to Christ I might present you as a pure virgin. But I am afraid that, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, your minds will be led astray from the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ.
James 1:27

Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.
2 Timothy 2:21-23

Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from these things, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified, useful to the Master, prepared for every good work. Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. But refuse foolish and ignorant speculations, knowing that they produce quarrels.

Titus 1:15-16
To the pure, all things are pure; but to those who are defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure, but both their mind and their conscience are defiled. They profess to know God, but by their deeds they deny Him, being detestable and disobedient and worthless for any good deed.
1 John 3:2-3
Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we will be. We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is. And everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure.

Purity in each of these cases is an inward reality. God often speaks of the "pure in heart" and I love what Paul says in 2 Corinthians about the "purity of devotion to Christ". I could have gone through and listed every verse that includes God's instructions to flee youthful lusts and not to commit adultery, but we all know where to find them. The Bible is beyond clear that God desires our physical and moral purity. But, it is important to notice that purity stems from faith. Our standing as children of God and disciples of Christ inclines us to purify our hearts before Him. In Titus, those who are "defiled" are also "unbelieving", while "to the pure, all things are pure". What does that phrase mean exactly?..I wondered too. Here is what Matthew Henry has to say about this phrase in Titus and also about 1 John 3:3 ("everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure") in his commentary:

                        [Titus 1:15] To good Christians that are sound in the faith and thereby purified all things are pure. Meats and drinks, and such things as were forbidden under the law (the observances of which some still maintain), in these there is now no such distinction, all are pure (lawful and free in their use), but to those that are defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure; things lawful and good they abuse and turn to sin 

                         "[1 John 3:3] Urges the engagement of these sons of God to the prosecution of holiness: And every man that hath this hope in him purifies himself even as he is pure, 1 John 3:3. The sons of God know that their Lord is holy and pure; he is of purer heart and eyes than to admit any pollution or impurity to dwell with him. Those then who hope to live with him must study the utmost purity from the world, and flesh, and sin; they must grow in grace and holiness. Not only does their Lord command them to do so, but their new nature inclines them so to do; yea, their hope of heaven will dictate and constrain them so to do. They know that their high priest is holy, harmless, and undefiled. They know that their Go and Father is the high and holy one, that all the society is pure and holy, that their inheritance is an inheritance of saints in light. It is a contradiction to such hope to indulge sin and impurity. And therefore, as we are sanctified by faith, we must be sanctified by hope. That we may be saved by hope we must be purified by hope."

We can take away from all of this that inner and outer purity is a result of the soundness of our faith in Christ and our knowledge of God's holy character. This goes back to what I mentioned in the first grouping discussing our reasons for obeying God's commands.

Now you may wonder why I have included pride in this set, as it seems rather disconnected. I would argue that it is far from disconnected. Why is it that we cannot be open about our impurity? Why is it that sexual struggles and lusts and wrong desires are "secret sins"? Because we are too proud to admit that this is a battle we all fight with the devil--and even lose. God has no room for pride or for dishonesty in His heaven. He does not want to see pride and secret shame in the hearts of His children, both for His own glory's sake and for the sake of their own well-being. If we seek to grow in purity in all areas of our life, God is clear that there is one thing He does not value: our pride.
Proverbs 8:13
“The fear of the Lord is to hate evil; Pride and arrogance and the evil way And the perverted mouth, I hate.

Proverbs 29:23
A man’s pride will bring him low, But a humble spirit will obtain honor.

1 John 2:16
For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world.

When discussing this topic, I find that it is always more helpful to share a real-life illustration than a fictional one. So I will tell you a story. At my student women's Bible study, I was asked to co-lead a Scriptural discussion about sexual purity. Daunting task, to put it kindly. I had no idea what to say about it and prayed consistently that I might be humble enough to handle it well. Me and my sweet friend who was my co-leader had a long meeting before the study to discuss how we internalized the Scriptures in our lesson. What were our struggles? How was God helping us grow in this area of our walk with Him? What were some Scriptures He'd been using to speak to us? What were some ways that we could challenge and encourage our sisters? And I have to tell you, her honesty and gentleness was an enormous example of how purity and an understanding of God's character work together. No pride. No "I'm doing better in this than you are. Why are you so messed up? Are you even saved?". No unrealistic cold turkey goals or climb-down-your-throat Scriptures. She was just herself. Broken, but leaning on Christ for strength and growth. Giving me an example to do the same.

This is what I'm talking about. God desires our purity and requires it. He hates our pride and hypocrisy. But what He wants most is worship, adoration, devotion, obedience, honesty, humility, and praise. In our weakness, He is strong. In our failures, He is infallible. In our brokenness, He is Healer. So before we condemn others for their lifestyles (even if it is right to hold them accountable for such lifestyles), we need to take a look at ourselves. I wouldn't be writing this if I didn't know all too well what struggle and pride feel like. But if what matters to God is transparency and inner attitude and knowledge of Him, I can humbly come before my readers and say. We are all human. But, God is holy. The more we grow to be like Him, the less we will need to indulge ourselves.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

EVERYTHING on the far right side of the chart is something we can either do or learn or appreciate TODAY. I can understand why I obey today. I can sacrifice for another today. I can enjoy fellowship today. I can adjust my attitude today. I can serve today. I can praise God for mercy today. I can pursue holiness today. The more we align ourselves with God's values, the less we will worry about pleasing the world or each other and simply revel in the goodness of our Creator and Savior.

On What Matters, What Doesn't Matter, and What is of Infinite Importance

Musing on God's Values--Part 1

I am not entirely sure how to preface this ambitious post (or set of posts, rather), nor exactly how it will accomplish what I mean for it to without a chance of alienating anyone. But these thoughts have been brewing for years and I feel it is time to organize them--and to share them despite my frailty, inexperience, and my inability to live up to God's holy standards in even a small way on my own. I just pray they will encourage you and challenge you, as they have me.
Perhaps I will illustrate my thoughts through a comparison chart (something that became invaluable in my teaching class a year ago): this is what I find throughout Scripture concerning God's values on some topics often discussed without clear distinctions.

Matters                         Doesn't Matter                       Matters Infinitely

1.Obedience               Routine rule-following           Understanding why one obeys
2.Love in kindness      Love in hollow words            Love in sacrifice
3.Friendship                Membership                         Fellowship
4.Actions                    Appearance (to an extent)     Attitude
5.Stability                   Seniority--or superiority         Service
6.Justice                     Pleading not guilty                  Mercy
7.Purity                      Pride                                     Passion for holiness

Ok. So there are 7 comparisons (I had to reach the Biblical number of completeness) for us to consider. I hope you are following me but if you aren't, I understand. I threw a lot of words out there that may seem the same or may seem completely contradictory. Depending on your spiritual background, you may instinctively agree or subconsciously deny the accuracy of the chart before you get the chance to stop yourself. But, let's just take a minute and envision scenes that could encompass the words and phrases I have compared...Do you have anything in your mind? Well, we are going to go one by one and evaluate the similarities and differences in each group of three.                              

1.
1. If your parents handed you a family handbook when you were born and told you all of the household policies you were to abide by, that would be a little odd, don't you think? It would mean that the handbook would need to be followed to the letter to retain any standing in the family or in the affections of your parents. But, they didn't do that. As a baby, they gave you love first..love and discipline and nourishment which firmly yet graciously encouraged you to obey them and be strengthened as a result. The handbook would provide no lasting motivation to please and satisfy your parents, but their devotion and affection would provide the motivation in abundance. Which leads to the third one...infinitely valuable to God is our understanding of obedience to Him and to others in authority. We should see why we obey (out of deep love, respect, and safety) in order to reorganize our life around His desires and commands.

This principle is borne out in Scripture; each of the following verses display the value of sincere obedience, the deadness of rule following by rote, and the ultimate value of understanding the reasons why we obey our Heavenly Master (emphasis mine).

Colossians 3:22
Slaves, in all things obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.

Hebrews 11:8
By faith Abraham, when he was called, obeyed by going out to a place which he was to receive for an inheritance; and he went out, not knowing where he was going.

1 Samuel 15:22
Samuel said, “Has the Lord as much delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed than the fat of rams.

Deuteronomy 30:1-3
“So it shall be when all of these things have come upon you, the blessing and the curse which I have set before you, and you call them to mind in all nations where the Lord your God has banished you, 2 and you return to the Lord your God and obey Him with all your heart and soul according to all that I command you today, you and your sons, 3 then the Lord your God will restore you from captivity, and have compassion on you, and will gather you again from all the peoples where the Lord your God has scattered you."

In all of these passages it is clear that God's standards for obedience are more than those perhaps our bosses or parents would have. He wants us to obey His commands though we may not know exactly the purpose of our obedience. But that does not mean we should be unaware of the reason for our obedience; we obey because God's very character requires it, His holiness demands our worship and reverence, and His justice and grace render it ridiculous that we would ever question His motives is asking us to complete something for Him. We are to remember His wisdom and His reasons for commanding us. Yes, we must obey Him. No, rule-following for pride's sake means nothing. But, ultimately, we must obey out of our understanding of who God truly is.

2.2. The value God places on love is perhaps the greatest no-brainer I could discuss. But I do believe that despite the abundance of teaching on Christian love, whether for God or others, there is some confusion about how that love is shown. The stories in the Bible I could use to illustrate this are simply too many to mention here, so I will name a few: Ruth and her sacrifice for her mother-in-law Naomi, Jacob and his sacrificial service for his wife Rachel, the woman who anointed Jesus's feet sacrificing her money to worship the Savior, Joseph showing kindness and care to the brothers who sold him into slavery, and the list goes on and on. Of course the greatest lover is Jesus Christ himself, giving his life for those whose sins nailed Him to a cross. Do you notice a pattern here?..you're right if you saw that almost every case involves a significant sacrifice that reveals a love already present. So what does the Bible have to say about God's view of love?

Exodus 21:4-6 

"If his master gives him a wife, and she bears him sons or daughters, the wife and her children shall belong to her master, and he shall go out alone. But if the slave plainly says, ‘I love my master, my wife and my children; I will not go out as a free man,’ then his master shall bring him to God, then he shall bring him to the door or the doorpost. And his master shall pierce his ear with an awl; and he shall serve him permanently."

Proverbs 17:17

A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.

Micah 7:18-19

"Who is a God like You, who pardons iniquity

And passes over the rebellious act of the remnant of His possession?

He does not retain His anger forever,

Because He delights in unchanging love.

He will again have compassion on us;

He will tread our iniquities under foot.

Yes, You will cast all their sins

Into the depths of the sea."

Romans 12:9

Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good.

John 13:34-35

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

John 15:13

Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,...bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

These verses are so clear I need hardly comment on them. But look at the noble slave who for love of his family bows in front of his master to go through severe pain, bondage, and endless work! He does not say "I love my wife and children well enough, but I just cannot give up something as dear to me as my freedom": no, he proves his love by his sacrifice. In Micah 7, how is God able to pardon the sin of His people? He "treads their iniquities under foot"; but their sins, though they are cast "into the sea" and away from themselves, must still fall on another for God is holy and just. In Isaiah 53:5-6, we find the substitute. Upon Jesus Christ the Messiah, God heaps the sin of all men everywhere, "wounding" and "bruising" His righteous Son as He "lays upon Him the iniquity of us all". Even loving without hypocrisy requires a sacrifice--we must deny ourselves, our selfishness, and the evil nature within us to simply be kind and caring toward each other. In every case, the Scripture reveals that love may be spoken but is always to be proved in kindness and sacrifice. Love always means cost, ultimate love means ultimate cost.

3.
3. So we have reached the third grouping--perhaps one of the more challenging to explain. Let me start off by saying that every one of these words--friendship, membership, and fellowship--have taken on multiple and misleading meanings in our culture. We have 600 "friends" on facebook while we struggle to hang onto our 4 true friends in life because we are simply too busy. We are not too busy to pretend names on a screen are our friends, but we are too busy to truly create lasting and meaningful friendships with the people around us. This is the kind of friendship that God places a very high value on in His word.

Now let's look at the word membership. When we were 5, it meant those snobby girls were members of a club that we couldn't be part of..those bullies thought they were so cool because they were members and no scrawny or nerdy guys would ever make the cut. In fact, it might have meant something similar when we were 15. But, now it means anything from AARP to the Humane Society, the NRA to your local church. So what does it mean to be a member of something? Do you get special rights that you rub in the faces of those less fortunate? Do you get a tax write-off or scholarship or any other cool perk that justifies you scrawling your name on an email list and bringing fruit punch to the next get-together? Maybe that's really what we all think. We're humans after all, driven by an innate selfishness and pride that is pointless to deny and almost always at work in us. But, I think there is much more at the heart of membership in the eyes of Christians in churches..and to fail to recognize that would be gravely unjust. Membership often also implies commitment, loyalty, service, and passion: others may be visitors, but you're there to stay. You put your cause on your nametag, you wear your society banner on your sleeve. At the heart of membership is the need for us to establish identity and significance. But I would rather put that particular understanding of membership under the heading of fellowship which I will discuss next. Membership--as I am using in my comparison chart--is exclusivity and the claiming of territory and wealth, as it is in most of the secular world.

So, you may be asking what is fellowship? What makes it different than Christian friendship? Is it just another word for membership that you happen to like better? Those are all very reasonable questions. In three respective paragraphs, I will answer each one, asking that the Spirit of God will help me show His Word in the proper light.

To answer the first question, I will turn to a site that has already compiled the information in a much more succinct way than I could have. On GotQuestions.org, I have learned many things from the Word of God: here is a q-and-a article I found particularly helpful when trying to understand fellowship.

                         "Question: "What is koinonia [the Greek word for fellowship]?"

                         Answer: Koinonia is a Greek word that occurs 20 times in the Bible. Koinonia’s primary meaning is “fellowship, sharing in common, communion.” The first occurrence of koinonia is Acts 2:42, “They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.” Christian fellowship is a key aspect of the Christian life. Believers in Christ are to come together in love, faith, and encouragement. That is the essence of koinonia...

                        Koinonia is being in agreement with one another, being united in purpose, and serving alongside each other (Philippians 2:1-2) . Our koinonia with each other is based on our common koinonia with Jesus Christ. First John 1:6-7, “If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.”

                       A powerful example of what koinonia should look like can be found in a study of the phrase “one another” in the Bible. Scripture commands us to be devoted to one another (Romans 12:10), honor one another (Romans 12:10), live in harmony with one another (Romans 12:16; 1 Peter 3:8), accept one another (Romans 15:7), serve one another in love (Galatians 5:13), be kind and compassionate to one another (Ephesians 4:32), admonish one another (Colossians 3:16), encourage one another (1 Thessalonians 5:11; Hebrews 3:13), spur one another on toward love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24), offer hospitality (1 Peter 4:9), and love one another (1 Peter 1:22; 1 John 3:11; 3:23; 4:7; 4:11-12). That is what true biblical koinonia should look like" (http://www.gotquestions.org/koinonia.html#ixzz2WWijXCSP, S. Michael Houdmann).

Now that we have an idea of fellowship, how do we see that it is distinguished from Christian friendship? Well, in this case, we are going to try to use simple logic. Is it possible that we are going to build lasting friendships with every saved person in the world today? No. Is it realistic that we will even form close friendships with every saved person in our town? No. Is it helpful to try to create meaningful daily friendships between two clashing personalities who do not enjoy or appreciate (in some measure) the same activities and interests? Not necessarily, no. Then there is already a clear distinction between fellowship and friendship. The Lord expects us to offer a hand of fellowship to every believer--to honor them, pray for them, treat them with kindness, encourage them in their service, offer them a home and food if they require it, suffer with them, rejoice with them, serve them, and even correct them in the ways of God. I can have fellowship with an individual whom I would not call a close friend. A conversation with him or her may even be exactly what God uses to reach my heart through His Spirit. In Hebrews 10:19-25, the writer exhorts the Christians to "hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful" and to "consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near." Right next to the writer's charge to be faithful to the Lord is his charge to be in active fellowship, to immerse ourselves in a community that worships, serves, and proclaims the good news until He comes back for us. Our fellowship is indeed a vastly important thing to God.

Lastly we must make the distinction between membership and fellowship. In no way am I knocking those churches which call people in their congregations members, nor am I discounting the value of membership in meaningful organizations. Despite my background in a group of Christians that disapprove of the idea of membership for various reasons, I have found that the poisonous idea of superiority and exclusivity can seep in without it as well. What I am suggesting is that our relations with one another as Christians are not to be formally binding through nametags, ballots, and lists as much as they should be emotionally and socially binding in honest, enjoyable, practical friendship..and most importantly, spiritually binding in supportive, instructive, and loving fellowship.