How Would It Feel?

What does it mean to touch the untouchable? To love the unlovable? To reach the unreachable? I think it means more than we think it does. I don't think it just means to meet the needs of the poor and underfed, to hug those in need of love and affection, or to reach for the underdog in society. No. I think it means to go exactly where no one else wants to go.

What does the Lord mean when He tells us to offer forgiveness 7x70 times? What is the Lord trying to say when He loves Israel with an undying love after her constant sins of idol worship, unbelief, and blatant immorality? It's the same thing...go exactly where no one else wants to go.

"Hosea, go love a woman who won't love you back. Love a woman who will love men who hurt her more than she will love the man who would protect her and provide for her. Moses, go love a people who will turn their back on you whenever it is convenient for them. Abraham, go kill your only son on an altar. Kill the promise I've given you without asking me why. Joseph, go speak to your brothers who sold you and wanted you dead. Feed them and provide homes for them, though they wanted to leave you with not even your life. And Jonah, go tell the Ninevites to leave their sin so I can forgive them and bless them. Go even though they hate you"....I could keep going. Over and over, God asks his people, his messengers and disciples, to go where it makes no sense. To step into a role that often hurts. Because God goes where no one else will go.

He is radical. He is not defined by any adjective or confined by any exclusive definition. He does what He wants, He does it for our best, and He does it in ways that He doesn't have to explain.

I've been wondering lately what it really means to love like He loves. To give like He gives and see like He sees. So little of my life experience has forced me to love what hurts me...to even reach out and hold a hand that stabbed me in the back or slapped me in the face. But I want to know...How would it feel to love a murderer? A murderer who takes lives brutally, devastates families and towns and nations with no apparent reason? How would it feel to love a mistress? One who steals the love of a man from his wife, destroys a family for her own selfishness? How would it feel to love a thief? A thief who stole everything that another worked for, leaving his home of memories an empty shell and his family's future a seemingly hopeless blank? How would it feel to love a fallen leader? One who seemed to offer truth and comfort and safety but is found to be full of lies and deception?...

The truth is..I don't know. With this sinful and broken heart of mine, I don't think I can or ever will know. I find it difficult some days just to love and honor even those priceless hearts who mean the very most to me. But God knows...He knows exactly how it feels. Because He feels it every moment...every second, His heart throbs with compassion for sinners who I, in my human pride, would reject with disgust. Every moment His whole being surges with passionate love for the thief, the terrorist...even the traitor! The ones no one wants. The ones we are warned about. The ones even the Church would have us avoid or keep at a distance..

So I ask you, what would it cost us to love like He loves? Even just for one day...to go into the neighborhoods no one else wants to set foot in, to have lunch with the person everyone else gossips about, to shamelessly love those who can't return love as we would have them return it. Would it cost us our health, our lives, our pride, our position?

But, the bigger question is this: what will it cost us not to love like He loves? Every day we're alive, doesn't the bitterness at our fellow human failures eat at our souls? Isn't a great source of our own pain the inability to forgive one who has caused it? Even I feel that..I in my brief and largely sheltered life experience. I feel that when I wake up from dreams that ask me to enter a part of my past that hurts too much--to face that small, persistent, nagging fear of insufficiency and desertion that I want to deny is there. I feel that when I swear inwardly at the woman who cuts me in line, at the child who yells obscenities to his buddies on the schoolyard at my workplace...I feel that when I look around at my fellow brothers and sisters and ask why they seem to have it all together and I am falling apart. Pain is not the problem...pride is. So, how would it feel to let it go and become the untouchable? To take off the mask and break down the walls and fall down in the dust where we came from? God only uses us when we know who we are...sinners wrecked and ruined by evil who live only by the breath He gives us each moment. Sinners who can only offer love in even the smallest of measures because He gave ALL of His love to us in the person of Jesus Christ. In the dust, we are human..and we live only by the breath of God which gives us life.

So, how would it feel? How would it feel to just go where He leads us without asking questions or demanding answers? How would it feel to love through the pain, the anger, the shame, and the stigma...to love how He loves?

It's Friday...but Sunday's Coming

What a week it has been! It is lovely to be able to finally sit and just think of God being present with me in this stillness. Behind me the church bells are singing, in front of me the soothing fountain seems to breathe water's refreshment into the wind. A gorgeous evening...there is laughter, the trees are so vibrant with stubborn late summer life, and a gorgeous setting sun.

The past several days have been full of course scheduling changes, advising appointments, interviews, piano practice, and sickness. I started the week tired and somehow am finishing it just a bit more tired. But I am so thankful for the beauty that arrests my vision and reminds me that I cannot see God when I take no time to look for Him. Yes, He IS in my chaos..but only when I surrender that chaos to His capable care.

So here it is..Friday. The end of another week. But I cannot help but smile at the phrase "It's Friday, but Sunday's coming". This week may seem beyond redemption. Some moments I may have even felt the ache of defeat. But I hope in my Sundays...little glimpses of heaven on earth. Amazing chances to worship in the presence of my Savior! Opportunities to let the world's deadness fade away and rejoice in the eternal life I've been given through Jesus :)

The Gift of Laughter

Musings on Fun in Faith

Throughout my life, I've been called many things. A few of my nicknames are Granny, Butterfingers, Teacher's Pet, and recently I got the name Droopy-eyes. In fact, I very much enjoy my silly nicknames because they teach me to poke fun at myself. :)

I am realizing gradually that life becomes joyless when we take ourselves, our lives, and others too seriously. Over the past few days, I've been fighting sickness..a pretty gross affair consisting of a nose like a fountain, red eyes, froggy voice, and a cough reminiscent of a chain-smoker's. Let me tell you...my room just reeks of Vicks vapo-rub. And of course, like a darling, my roommate takes one look at me and says, "Whoa, you're not looking so good..in fact you kinda look like death." Hah! I start to laugh and then hack like death in confirmation of her statement.

But, my point in all of this is that I had a marvelous weekend despite all of that. I spent Friday night with hundreds of college students worshipping the Lord Jesus and learning from the Bible. Yesterday, my roommate surprised me with hot cider (my favorite!) and I enjoyed reading my favorite novel, Jane Eyre, in preparation for a class next week. I also spent some of my evening joking about turkeys with my boyfriend who is planning to celebrate his Thanksgiving with me. :)

What a blessed woman I am! How much God has given me! I am given an opportunity to not only learn of God and serve Him but to enjoy Him! To laugh at my humanity and enjoy the blessings He has provided for me within His purposes..

May we never forget that joy comes in unlikely places...and it is all rooted in the Savior who has given us life and joy eternal. :)

The Beginning and the End

Musing on Starts and Endings

We have all heard the phrase "Every ending is just the beginning of something else." It's amazing to see how true that statement is. And yet, today as my sophomore year of college begins, I can't help but notice that the reverse is true as well. Every beginning is also the ending of something else.

This is not a bad thing. Even though we as humans struggle to accept change, we would never grow without it. Without the start of learning, there would be no end of ignorance. Without the start of a relationship, there would be no end of singlehood. Without the start of a family, there would be no end to loneliness. Without the start of a school year, there would be no end to summer.

I can't help but think of the cross-- the cross of Jesus. The cross was the start of grace and the fulfillment and ending of the law. The cross was the start of life eternal and the end of death. And here is where I am most convicted: the cross was the beginning of me as a new creation and the end of the rule of the old flesh. When we are baptized into the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, we are displaying our death to sin and our new life in Christ.

But, how easy it is to forget that we have been changed! When my life as a Christ-follower began, nothing seemed more natural than leaving my self behind and striving to please Him. I was dead and then alive again..how incredible! Yet as time goes by, something of that bent toward God becomes bent against Him despite the change in our hearts. If we are not careful to stay close to the Source of our life, we wander closer and closer to the sin and spiritual deadness we were saved from.

Today, as I head off to my first class of the semester, I hope I do not forget that every start is an ending and every ending is a start. As I lose myself, I gain the Lord Jesus. As I wave goodbye to selfish sin and pride, I am made ready to greet the Savior who welcomes me. As I look back to the completion of my first year of college, I step into my second--with a clean slate in front of me and a powerful Redeemer walking right next to me. I tend to hate endings...but I just need to remember that in every ending, there is a better beginning just around the bend.

Blessings to all of you today! ~

His Touch

Musings on the Touch of the Lord Jesus

"Jesus Christ was made sin for us, although in Himself He knew no sin, that we might be made the righteousness of God in Him. O that poor sinners would go to Jesus, believing in the power of His blessed substitutionary work, and they would soon learn the power of His gracious touch. That hand which multiplied the loaves, which saved sinking Peter, which upholds afflicted saints, which crowns believers, that same hand will touch every seeking sinner, and in a moment make him clean. The love of Jesus is the source of salvation. He loves, He looks, He touches us, WE LIVE."~ C.H. Spurgeon from a meditation on Mark 1:41

Here is a thought that I can't comprehend even slightly. I have insufficient understanding to rationalize the condescension of the Son of God to ever even look at me, nevermind to look at me and love me. On the darkest of days when I find myself overwhelmed by the weight of my own depravity, I find myself wanting to run and hide from the Savior who looks at me. When I feel most undeserving and broken, I begin to close my heart to His love because it is painful to let His fire consume all the dross that collects there.

My humanity begs me to run away from God's eyes and His heart, but the Spirit within me longs to have Him as close to me as possible. Sometimes I even catch myself asking, "Lord, if I could just touch You and know You're there...if you could just show me Your glory and Your holiness so I would understand and never forget..."

Think of all the times Jesus touches. He touches the leper and makes him clean. He touches the blind man and makes him see. He touches the deaf man and makes him hear. He touches the crippled man and makes him walk. He touches the dead young woman and makes her live. He touches the bleeding woman and makes her blood stop flowing. Time and time again, He touches the guilty and makes him innocent. He touches the sinner and makes him...a saint.

To shrink from the cleansing touch of the Lord Jesus is to shrink from the hand of healing and grace. To shy away from His hand is to shy away from that nail-pierced hand which bled to purge me of my sin and cover me in righteousness. True, the truth of the words of Jesus can be difficult to swallow because I have selfish pride. His brutally honest assessment of my hard heart can sting like acid and draw out painful tears.
But, it is worth it to be touched by the One who holds the universe in the hollow of His hand. Every minute is worth it to be held by my Redeemer who has promised to never let me go.

"And He said to them, "Why are you troubled, and why do doubts arise in your hearts? See My hands and My feet, that it is I Myself; touch Me and see.." (Luke 24:38-39) And just look at this invitation: Jesus invites His disciples to probe His humanity...to see His hands and feet and to touch Him. He understood what a touch meant...after all, He created us.

A bizarre thought came to me as I mused on the touch of Jesus. There is an old song from the movie, "That Thing You Do", that my sisters and I used to sing and dance to when we were younger. The chorus I have never forgotten and it goes like this:
"I want you to know when you hold my hand you hold my heart
I want you to see when our eyes meet my loving just starts
I want you to say you're thinking of me those nights when we're apart
I want you to know when you hold my hand you hold my heart."

We are interconnected beings. In effect, our hearts lead our bodies. When I hold someone's hand, I am being tied to their heart. When I come to hold someone's heart close, I want to hold them close. When "the Word became flesh and dwelt among us," (John 1:14) He touched people. He wanted their hearts to be His, so He touched them with healing and tenderness and their hearts followed. What an amazing thought!

So, what has impressed me most is this: Sometimes, in order to take full hold of our hearts, the Lord will touch our bodies. Perhaps with sickness, or pain, or desire, or insomnia, or abnormality, or injury, or even inability. Sometimes to make us trust the power of His hand, He will tie our hands behind our backs, figuratively, so there is no other option left.

Cancer...can we cure it? No, but He can...and if He doesn't, His hand has the power to use everything for His glory. The same with all the other things in our physical lives. What about infertility? Addiction?  Paralysis? Please understand that I would never gloss over the pain and difficulty of these and other circumstances...I cannot imagine what it would be like to experience them, and my prayers ascend daily for those who struggle with physical difficulties I know very little about.

But, I know this one thing: Jesus still touches us. He is still after our hearts. And when we surrender to His touch, however painful at first, our hearts will be changed and healed in exactly the way He desires. His greatest longing that was spoken again and again to the children of Israel? The love of their hearts. And that's what He wants from us today.

He Still Satisfies

Well, the day finally arrived. It came and went. I left the country for the city, family for friends, boredom for busyness. There's a peacefulness of routine here--hustle and bustle to fill my empty days. But, I pray I will never lose the blessing of quiet.

Walking down country roads early in the morning while the dew is still fresh on the fields is nothing less than breathtaking. God is so real, so present, so all-consuming. But, here in the noise and the mayhem, He is still very real..still so very present, and I pray I'll never miss that.

I cannot stop thinking about that verse I was musing on a week or so ago...it never leaves my mind. Psalm 107: 9..."For He satisfies the longing soul, and He fills the hungry soul with goodness." My soul will never stop longing for something somewhere else...I am born expected to experience angst and unrest and some degree of emotional upheaval. My soul will always be hungry for something more.

Praise God, He is where I find it..HE is where I find all that satisfies me. To all my reader friends out there, if the mental exhaustion of classes and career seem to start stealing my peace and joy, please remind me of this. If my failures and mistakes and imperfections seem to be overwhelming my ability to love and serve, please remind me again. HE satisfies...HE fills.

This switch in speeds of life can be scary and beautiful at the same time...like love, like loneliness, like longing. I'm lucky some days just to put one foot in front of the other. But, my Father only gives us one day at a time. And this one is over.

How amazing to still be able to say He has never failed..not yesterday, not today, and He won't fail tomorrow. HE will always satisfy, if only I will seek Him and let the rest fall into place.

Sleep peacefully tonight, you "redeemed of the Lord". If you are longing and hungry like me, remember that the God of Psalm 107 is YOUR God. "Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, for His lovingkindness is everlasting." (1) "He changes a wilderness into a pool of water and a dry land into springs of water; and there He makes the hungry to dwell..." (35-36)

So Much Hope!

Musings on 1 Peter 1:1-9
1Pe 1:3-4 KJV
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to his abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, To an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for you."
The days I take my eyes off the truth of these 9 verses are the days I sink like Peter and have to call out, "Lord, save me!" I lose my bearings because I lose sight of Jesus; who He is, all He has done to redeem me, and the certain hope of an eternal future full of worshipping Him.
Peter wrote these words after all...wouldn't it make sense that he wanted to keep us from making the same mistakes he did? What I find interesting is how much time we spend examining and condemning Peter's failures as a disciple when in fact, we are just like him. He was well-intentioned too..he wanted to serve Jesus too. But his pride got in the way, and his fear and confusion and excitement got in the way. Aren't we just like that?
Perhaps these verses in 1 Peter 1 are so precious to many of us because they remind us what (and more importantly, Who) is truly valuable and unchanging.
Let us not forget all we have been brought into through Christ and all we have been called out of. He is unchanging and therefore, our redemption is unchanging. Even though we cannot enjoy His physical company, we are invited to rejoice in His spiritual presence with us at all times...we are welcomed to worship Him even in all of our failings and sinfulness.
As Max Lucado puts it so well, "Jesus allows our mistakes to be lost in His perfection." I pray that I may take my eyes off myself and fix them on the Cross and the Savior who died there that I might live in "lively hope" and be given "an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled." He's waiting in Heaven for me and I can't wait to meet Him at last!